Twits
by DiChromate
Summary: Series of one-shots inspired by a certain, maybe familiar, RP community. No set schedule. Little continuity. Fragments are awesome.
1. Noland and Lucy

There was one thing Noland wanted right now more than anything else: a sandwich.

But not just any sandwich. The sandwich. The sandwich he made. Brimming with lettuce, butter, and meats of questionable origin. A real sandwich. Not that wussy stuff kids ate.

And in order to ensure the safety of this magnificent work of art, he put a note on it. And he put it in the break room fridge. Scott had been kind enough to provide a room away from the hustle and bustle of the Frontier, and it was here Noland had entrusted the safety of his sandwich.

He opened the fridge door, salivating slightly. He saw his note, which read: "Property of Factory Head Noland. Do not touch." And that was all he saw. He looked for the tinfoil he had wrapped his sandwich in, but it was nowhere to be found.

He panicked.

Then he heard chewing. He slowly turned his head to see Lucy sitting on the couch. Pike Queen Lucy. In her purple tube top, black pants, and long purple gloves.

She seemed to notice his stare and turned to face him. "What's up?" she asked.

"What are you eating?"

She looked down at her hands and shrugged. "Sandwich."

"Where'd you get it?"

"Fridge."

He looked at the table. There was a small crushed orb of tinfoil. "Was this note on it?" he asked, holding it out the note.

She glanced at it. "Maybe," she said, taking another bite.

Noland crushed the note. "That's my sandwich," he said.

Lucy looked from the half-eaten sandwich in her hands to Noland's face to the tinfoil on the table and then back to the sandwich. "Maybe it is," she said slowly. She took another bite. "It's delicious."

Noland glared at her and leaned over so they could see face-to-face. "You are not worthy of that sandwich," he hissed.

Lucy moaned. "I love it when you hiss," she said, mouth still half-full of sandwich. Noland stepped back in disgust. She laughed. "You're so entertaining, Noland," she said, words muffled by meat and bread.

Noland frowned. He hated this woman. With all his being. Even if she was pretty hot. "I hope you enjoy that sandwich," he said. "Because it will be your las- wait, I'm not going to kill you. I need to think this out a bit more."

"Don't hurt yourself," said Lucy, taking another bite. "How else will I get my lunch each day?"

"You'll regret this," said Noland, halfway through the door.

"Okay," she said, waving him away.

Noland closed the door. She got the last word. She was so smug in her victory. He would show her. He'd come up with a great comeback.

He realized how pathetic this was.

"FUCK YOU," he screamed before running down the hall and back to the Factory.


	2. Kotone and Pichu

"Kotone, am I a flying type?" asked Pichu over breakfast.

"No of course not Pichu you're dumb shut up," answered Kotone, not bothering to break her stream of thoughts into proper sentences.

Pichu frowned. "I bet I am a flying type and you just don't want me to know," he grumbled.

"You're electric," said Kotone, putting a pancake in front of him. Pichu picked it up and looked over it with interest.

"This hat is awesome," he said.

"Eat it," said Kotone, putting her own pancake into her mouth.

"WOAH AN EDIBLE HAT DOUBLE AWESOME," said Pichu.

Kotone sighed. "It's not a hat now eat it or I'm giving it to Aggron."

"Aggron isn't stylish enough to wear it," said Pichu, stuffing the entire thing into his mouth at once. Kotone watched with amused revulsion.

"You're so adorable Pichu," she said.

"Yeah I know," he replied.

Kotone watched Pichu as he stuffed another pancake into his mouth. "Whatcha thinking about?" he asked, mouth full of food.

"Silver and Ethan are dumb," she decided. Pichu nodded gravely. "We could beat them in a Pokemon battle."

"AT THE SAME TIME," said Pichu.

Kotone shrugged. "Ehhhh I don't know about that."

There was a moment of silence as Pichu started on a third pancake.

"You eat too much," said Kotone.

"Nuh-uh."

"That's your third pancake."

"I'm fat and adorable."

"No you're just fat."

"NO U."

"Shut up Pichu."

Pichu shrugged. "Fine," he said, stuffing the third pancake down his gullet. Kotone was only a third done with hers.

"I'm gonna teach Metagross how to swim," said Kotone.

"What? Can he?"

"Well Aggron learned so I don't see why Metagross can't. He's so cool he can do anything."

Pichu nodded in agreement. "He needs sunglasses."

"OH MY GOD YES," said Kotone. She bolted down the rest of her pancake and grabbed Pichu by the arm. "LET'S GO RIGHT NOW."

"But I wanted another pancaaaaaaaaake," whined Pichu.

"Oh I'll make some more tomorrow," promised Kotone.

"Yay." Pichu climbed up to Kotone's head and crouched on top of her hat, his favorite spot.

He hit his head on the doorframe of the Pokemart and Kotone didn't even notice.


	3. Darach and Caitlin

A bell rang within the Battle Castle.

Darach, already hard at work, put down the pot he was scrubbing and left down the hall at a brisk pace. Like all the hallways in the castle, it was long, matted with luscious carpets, and inlaid with gold and ivory. Grand paintings covered much of the wall, letting anyone who walked through the walls know that they were in the most expensive place in Sinnoh.

"What is it, lady Caitlin?" he asked the back of the tall chair in front of him.

"I am bored," came a small voice from the other side.

Darach blinked. This was an unusual statement. "What would you have me do about it, milady?"

There was a short pause "I want to go for a walk," Caitlin decided.

Darach bowed. "I shall fetch your parasol at once."

Caitlin made an indecisive noise. Darach stopped mid-stride. "Is something wrong?"

"Do I really need a parasol?"

Darach hesitated. "It is only proper."

There was a moment of silence. "I suppose you are correct."

Satisfied, Darach walked down the halls to a small closet and extracted a pink and white parasol. He returned to where Lady Caitlin was sitting and offered his hand to help her up. She smiled and took it, and together they walked to the entrance to the Battle Castle. Darach stopped just before the doors and opened the parasol, holding it above Lady Caitlin's head. She carefully stepped outside, making sure to be hidden under the parasol's protection.

Lady Caitlin always enjoyed her walks outside, which pleased Darach. Caitlin's fragile health meant she was unable to participate in most activities, so he was always happy to afford her excursions like these. However, he was always willing to bring them to an end if it seemed Lady Caitlin was having difficulties.

It was rather hot today, Darach noted. He was somewhat uncomfortable in his suit, and Lady Caitlin would probably be feeling its effects at some point as well.

"Darach," said Caitlin.

"Yes, milady?"

"I would like some fruit."

Darach hesitated. The market was nearby, but always crowded. The sheer number of people might aggravate Lady Caitlin's condition. "Of course, milady," he said. Perhaps there would be fewer people today.

However, the market was as crowded as ever. The two hesitated outside the sea of people, and Darach could see a look of disappointment on Lady Caitlin's face. "Perhaps we can try again later…"

"Nonsense, milady. I shall fetch it for you." Darach just realized what he said. Leave Lady Caitlin alone? Unthinkable! And yet…

Darach carefully maneuvered through the crowd of people. Normaly, they would have recognized him and let him pass, but he had no such luck in the thronged market. Finally, he made it to his destination. He adjusted his collar before speaking to the salesman: "Five Hondew berries, please." Lady Caitlin's favorite, as always.

"Of course, Darach," said the man. He put them in a bag and handed them to the Castle Valet. "For Caitlin?"

"Of course."

The man craned his neck to look behind Darach. "Running errands alone?"

"No, Lady Caitlin is right over…" Darach turned. And panicked. He pushed his way through the crowd to the spot where he had left Caitlin not a minute ago. She was nowhere to be found.

Disguising his panic with a dignified composure, he tapped the shoulder of a nearby woman. "Excuse me, ma'am. Have you seen Lady Caitlin?"

The woman paused. "With a parasol, right?" Darach nodded. "She just walked off. I don't know where she went. Sorry."

"Thank you," said Darach, moving aside. He wanted to scream, but he knew it would be undignified.

He formulated a plan. He would return to the Battle Castle. He would call everyone he could and enlist them all in the search for Lady Caitlin. She absolutely had to be found, as soon as possible.

He walked with a brisk pace back to the Castle. He stepped inside, grateful for the air condition, past the closet, and to…

He stepped back to the closet. Lady Caitlin's parasol was leaning against the door. He stared at it for a moment, unsure of what to think. He walked to the throne room.

"Lady?" he called.

There was a crinkle, and then: "Yes, Darach?"

Darach breathed a sigh of relief. Regaining his composure again, he walked to the throne, making sure to actually keep Lady Caitlin in his sight.

"I trust you had a pleasant walk?" he asked.

"Oh, yes," she said with a smile. She carefully opened the bag in her hands and removed a small Hondew berry, which she put into her mouth. "I do enjoy our walks, Darach."

"I'm glad, milady. You know your comfort is my prime concern. Do you require anything else?" Caitlin shook her head. "Then I do hope you will excuse me."

"Of course, Darach. I wouldn't want to worry you," she said with a knowing smile.

Darach walked down the hallways, utterly unsure what to think.


	4. Drapion and Illumise

Drapion heard sounds of high-pitched, incessant chatter coming from the kitchen. It wasn't promising.

"What's going on?" he asked, walking into the room.

"Oh, Drapion, darling," said Illumise, turning to face him. "We were just talking about you."

Drapion scanned the room. Illumise was turned around in her chair to face him, but opposite her were her two best friends, and Drapion's worst nightmares: Misdreavus and Bellsprout.

"Oh, hey Drapey-kins," said Misdreavus. "Looking good, as always," she said with a wink.

"Sup fag," said Bellsprout. "Nah, I'm jokin'."

Drapion gave a grunt of displeasure as way of greeting. He could think of no people he hated more than his wife's friends. Well, he probably could if he tried, but right now they were closest. He headed towards the fridge and began to look through it for anything that would fill his mouth enough to excuse him from speaking. To his annoyance, he noted he needed to go shopping.

"Goin' shopping, Illy," he announced, moving towards the door.

"Wait, wait, I must come with you, you always buy the wrong brand of butter."

_You're the only one who eats it, _thought Drapion.

"Dre and Bell, you will come too, oui."

"Awesum," said Bellsprout.

"Ooh, shopping trip with my besties," said Misdreavus. Drapion could make out the tildes dripping from her words.

Drapion's mouth curled in distaste. "I thought I'd go alone, leave you three to your…" He clacked his claws a few times. "…Whatever it is you're doing."

"Nonsense," said Illumise. "You're prone to unfaithfulness. If I don't go with you, you'll probably end up in the arms of some harlot before the day ends."

Drapion frowned. "If I had wanted to, I would've done it already."

"What about Croconaw?"

Drapion slammed the fridge shut. "Never speak of him," he said quietly, tears brimming in his eyes.

Illumise stared at her husband for a moment. "Oui…" she said at last. "I'm still coming with you."

"Fine," said Drapion, surrendering.

"Wa-pish," said Bellsprout quietly. Drapion shot a venomous glare at her.

_Heh, venomous,_ thought Drapion to himself. _Good one._

"You're staying here, crazy legs," said Drapion. He turned to Misdreavus and pointed at her. "You too, uh… I don't have a derisive nickname for you, but you're not coming."

Misdreavus shrugged, which Drapion had to admit he was impressed with. "Whatevs, whiner. Me and Sprout'll just hang here, Illy, if your husband's gonna have a period about it."

"Buy Midol," chimed Bellsprout. Drapion took a swipe at her, and she responded by falling off her chair.

"Nice fall," said Drapion.

"It was a dodge," said Bellsprout. "."

Drapion shook his head and moved towards the door, Illumise flying close behind him.

"It would not hurt you to behave a little," she hissed once they were outside.

"Wouldn't hurt your friends to not be bitches," Drapion retorted.

Illumise frowned. "Oui, true. But still. If you keep this up you shall sleep on the couch."

Drapion grunted.

"Pardon?"

"Yes, dear."

"Very nice."

Drapion could hear a faint "wa-pish" in the back of his head. His frown deepened.

"That look is very unbecoming, dear. It makes you even uglier."

"You wake up to this face every day."

"Oui, and I am still not used to it."

Drapion wasn't sure if she was kidding or not, but turned and grabbed her in his arms anyways. "I love you too," he said, kissing her.

Illumise smiled and kissed him back. "Oui, oui, of course. Now come along, I don't want them to wait too long."

Drapion cast a glance at some bushes along the side of the road. "Maybe they could wait a few more minutes?"

Illumise gave him a heavy-lidded smile. "I think so, dear, oui."

Drapion gently took her hand and led her to the bushes. "After, you, my dear glowbutt."

"Thank you, my sweet drapes." Without a second thought, Drapion descended upon her.

Misdreavus and Bellsprout waited for an hour before finally leaving.


End file.
